My mother taught me and my sisters to help others, when we can and when we can’t. Even when you can’t? You might ask. Yeah, even when we can’t. I understand that it is important to focus on myself and not spread myself too thin, and I certainly do when I must. However, I will say that what I love most about my mother is that she will drop it all to help someone in need, no questions asked and no return favor necessary. My character has been largely developed on this priniciple and whether others agree with it or not, that is who I am and who I want to be.

Trust

I understand why others can have problems with trust, but I can’t wait for the day when people will trust someone when they say they will do something, even if they don’t know what the outcome will be for sure. Trust can be taken away at the snap of a finger, so why not give people a chance? I have certainly been the person to lose another person’s trust for not keeping promises, but this behavior is not characteristic of me. Yes, it happened, happens, and will happen again. However, it usually occurs when I stretch myself too thin and I am willing to suffer the consequences of that so I can continue learning how to not let that happen. I am quick to make up for my mistakes and even quicker to apologize. Most importantly, I learn the hard lessons so deeply that I rarely make the same mistake twice, especially when it comes to doing something potentially hurtful to another human.

My ability to trust helped me choose a Master’s program, that I wasn’t accepted into, over a boyfriend. It helped me have the confidence in myself to make the “selfish” decision to move to another state, find a job, and prove myself to the director of my desired program that I belonged there. I did belong there and I now have a M.Sc. in Climate Science and Solutions, which has already allowed me to help other people at the large scale, which is my goal.

My ability to trust gave me the courage to move to a new country without knowing the language. I trusted my 3 friends here to help me when I needed it. I trusted myself to learn how to do things on my own, pick up the language quickly, and build new connections. I trusted myself to learn how to show my gratitude to those who have gone out of their way to help me and trusted myself to find ways to make up for the times that I didn’t act as though I was grateful. I trust myself to continue helping people even when I face challenges, here, personally. Now, I speak well enough to deal with any logistical and bureacratic situation, even to make new friends and talk about deep topics! I am enterring my last year as a Ph.D. student, I will have Dr. in front of my name in just over a year!

Trust is the reason that I did not quit my Ph.D. program even though I really wanted to. I trust that my professor really wants me to succeed even though it has been hard for me to see that. I tell myself everyday that “I can do this”. I am doing it, even during a global pandemic, I am here, alone in a 33 square meter apartment, far from family and friends because I trust that I will succeed. I am here because I realize that as a student I am expected to help my professor as much as, or even more than, he helps me. The gift was bringing me here, now it is time for me to do what I do best, help. After helping my professor, I can move on to helping people learn to care for the planet.

Just Keep Giving

I love self love. I love how open people are about the importance of “looking out for number 1”. That is not exactly in line with my goals, though. I love myself most when I help other people. When I give and give and give! I love to do that. Thanks to me going overboard sometimes, I have learned how to hold on at the edge of a cliff and hoist my friends up at the same time. It brings me chills to see how far I’ve come because I know when to say “no” without hating myself. I had to take a detour and be a bit selfish here are there, but now I am ready to give again. Since I have taken the time to try to learn that, I’m like a bottomless jar of peanut butter, never spread too thin, well, still sometimes ;). The point is that I will never stop giving, even if I mess up sometimes and when I mess up I will be the first to say, “I messed up, what do I need to do to fix this?”

The world doesn’t have to be a place of give and take. My world isn’t. I don’t look at each favor like a transaction and you don’t have to either. The universe will reward you for your hard work and kindness when you start believing that it will. However, if you sit there waiting for someone to repay you, that day will never come…you have to give and expect no return for other people to desire to give you that return. Even if you get literally “paid back”, you might lose a friend or the connection you had before because that other person can feel the tension you put out.

I still have a lot to learn, of course. I’ve made lots of mistakes even in the last year, but I’m back into the wave of making steps forward. I hope that if you made some mistakes, you aren’t afraid to move forward today. It is a choice to look at those mistakes head on and see an opportunity for growth rather than a mirror of shame. So if you promised to do something and didn’t follow through, send an apology and ask what you can do (no matter how long ago). Worst case scenario is that person has written you off and will not forgive you, but you did what you could and that is enough to move forward. If you started a project and didn’t finish, work on it for 5 minutes today or forgive yourself for losing the chance. If you flaked on a friend, apologize, but more importantly, DO NOT do it again. Lesson of it all: learn from your mistakes so you won’t be afraid to help others, even at your own “expense”.

Much Love,

Valentina