Why am I depressed? Because people are disappointing. I am disappointing. Really, most, if not all, people can be disappointing. People who are fortunate enough to live in a 1st world country have access to technology which provides education at the snap of a finger. We can read textbooks and scientific articles online. We have access to global news and can gather information by watching, listening, or reading. However, we don’t always use our technology to help us improve. We use it as an escape, maybe because we know that we can do something to make the world a better place and that is scarier than knowing there is nothing we can do.

Am I a Hypocrite?

Sometimes, yes, I talk the talk but fail to walk the walk. Some days I choose to play candy crush for an embarrassingly long amount of time when I could be reading or working out. Sometimes I eat unhealthy things and justify it even though I tell people “abs are made in the kitchen, not the gym.”

However, despite the hypocrisy that is an inevitable characteristic of mine, one thing I strive to do is always own up to my shortcomings and mistakes. I am a human after all, and no human is perfect. Only dogs are perfect, but that’s a different story. I recognize 100% that I have very high standards for my self and for the people I choose to surround myself with. I also have high standards for anyone and everyone around me, whether I know them or not. I’m not afraid to be honest with people that it is in my nature to expect people to take advantage of the abundant opportunities they are presented with. Opportunities at all scales. For example, the opportunity to be kind to another person, to hold open the door or offer your seat to an elder.

I have met so many amazing people that have “rose from the ashes” and made something of themselves. For this reason, I just don’t have a tolerance for excuses. “I would have studied harder for my exam, but I had to work the day before and didn’t have time.” In response to that I wonder, “what about the weeks in advance that you had to study given that the date of the exam was explicitly written on the syllabus?” To which they say, “you don’t know how hard it is to work on top of school, I am exhausted.” To which I say, “actually I do, and more so, I have a friend that supported herself and her sister to work towards a scholarship in order to go to College because she was homeless throughout high school and her mom was a drug addict.”

But yes, I am a hypocrite, I  have been that person that says that no one understands how hard it is to work two jobs, be part of the track team, and go to school. I still am that person that blames my lack of time for subpar products. I am a PROCRASTINATOR. I even procrastinate rolling out of bed every morning.  The point is to recognize that no one cares for excuses, not even yourself. There is no justifying a lost opportunity, but there is room for recognition and room to grow from learning your lesson.

But life isn’t as easy for some as it is for others.

“Easy” really depends on the subject it refers to. Is it easy to buy the things you want when you come from a wealthy family? Yes. Is it easy for you to feel worthy if none of your achievements are recognized because people give the credit to your wealthy upbringing? No. Is it easy to work out when you are already fit? Mostly, yes. Is it easy for you to still have confidence when people say that your figure is thanks to good genetics and has nothing to do with the fact that you don’t eat desserts or drink alcohol? No. Is it easy to blame the world for your own short comings? Yes. Is it easy to live with the regret of not pushing yourself harder when you knew you could have? 100% no.

We certainly don’t all have the same path and I fully recognize that. Our destinies are diverse. However, diversity is a necessary component for a functioning system. It is also the reason why the world is such an interesting and mysterious place. I would lose my mind if I had a job that required more of my mechanical skills than my research skills. Some people feel the opposite. Some people find more importance in their local connections than their global connections. Some people can only manage a few intimate relationships, others are extreme social butterflies.

We all possess different strengths, weaknesses, likes, and dislikes. One thing we all possess, in 1st world countries, is the ability to go for what is best for us. Will we always accomplish our goals? No, but we have the ability to try. Especially in the USA, you can start as a dishwasher and end as a Head Chef. The stories of this type of career growth require so much work, mentally and physically. It requires being treated poorly by the people above you. It requires people assuming you lack intelligence because you didn’t go to college after high school.

People are disappointing when they don’t try.

I don’t get disappointed with others when they don’t accomplish their goals or achieve something I think they are capable of. I feel disappointed when people give up after they fail once and I feel even more disappointed when the failure comes with a sack full of excuses. I wonder how many times they could have tried again had they not wasted minutes fabricating excuses.

I used to feel very disappointed when I wasn’t the best at everything I did, I still do sometimes. What I’ve learned in my ripe old age of 26, though, is that I feel so proud when I know I didn’t give up. When I am still failing at something, but refuse to not think of other solutions. When I tenaciously and passionately seek new ways of completing the same task. When the ambitious goals I set as a teenager or younger still come to the front of my mind and get me excited to work hard even though the end result is far out of sight.

 

So yeah, I am depressed because life is daunting and people are disappointing. I strongly believe that the challenges we face in the world today would be less daunting if more people tried. Even though I am depressed, I take my pills even though I don’t want to, I run to the train when I oversleep even though I’d rather call in sick, I workout because I know it will give me endorphins, and I tell myself I am doing my best when I would rather tell myself that I am not doing enough. I am hopeful, even though it is easier to not be, but how can I not feel hope when I see people look away from their candy crush to smile in awe at the beauty of nature like a mommy bird and her babies as pictured above. People are disappointing, but sometimes they surprise me and that is enough to keep trying.