My sister taught me one of the most important lessons of my life when I was 16 years old. I asked her how she was always able to reach managerial positions at work so quickly. She responded, “I don’t talk to my managers like they are above me and I don’t let them talk to me like I am below them.” Mic drop.

This lesson has substantially impacted my life in so many ways. It was the first time I had realized that respect was not about bowing down to authority. Respect is a two-way street. You can respect your boss’s role and also respect yourself. You can speak people in power like they are colleagues, rather than “above you” and it is okay.

It is ok to be confident in who you are and know that your life is just as worthy as theirs. This means that you deserve respect just as much as they do. At the end of the day, we are all humans, some are older than others. Some have more experience than others, but we are all human and we all deserve to be here. No human is a god, and no human should be treated like they are.

Know your rights and learn your worth

Every now and then I like to dig into legislation and learn a bit more about the rules of the world I live in. These rules are very important to know, but they are always written in the middle of the contracts we are expected to sign for every new job or academic endeavor we participate in. No one wants to be the annoying person that thoroughly reads every page of a document before signing it, but it is important to be that person. You have the right to do that. You also have the right to ask questions about what some things mean when you don’t understand.

Despite this right, many of us, I included, will skim through docs and sign. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t look into these contractual agreements later on and really familiarize yourself with what the expectations are of you AND those “above you”. In lieu of my sister’s lesson, I have become quite diligent in learning my rights. I want to know what exactly is expected of me. However, I don’t want this knowledge coming only from within the institution.

Each institution has a different way of doing things, which is totally fine. Being unique allows for the development of a culture. However, there is also a right and wrong way to do things and you don’t want to learn the wrong way of doing things before it is too late. To avoid this, you should know what the umbrella legislation is for your “world”. The world that you attend every day from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

The fear of being annoying

Feeling like an annoying person is not great. You can see it in the other person’s face or hear it in their short and snappy responses. You can feel it in the air as the person tries to disconnect without being too obvious. I personally believe it is not only beneficial but sometimes necessary to be annoying. To be the person that questions the way things are done and why they are done that way. To question where this “rule” comes from and if it is legally binding or not.

I’m not condoning unproductive and pesty behavior, like asking why you have to wash your coffee mug or keep your work area clean. Those behaviors indicate you respect yourself, your colleagues, and your workspace. You should question protocols that don’t make sense to you, especially if you believe they are hindering your ability to be successful. You should also question disciplinary action, you should know what you did wrong so you can be better in the future.

In terms of disciplinary action, it is CRUCIAL that you understand whether or not you actually did something wrong in the first place. Not all boss’ know the laws and if it feels like you were wrongly disciplined, you must do something about it. It can be scary because those “above you” are experts in defending their decisions. Just remember your worth and stand up for yourself. I know that is easier said than done.

If you feel like you are stuck at the bottom…

it might be because you are holding yourself back. Respect is a valuable thing in society, but it is 100% a two-way street. Respecting someone does not mean you have to trust every word they say or action they take. Respect can result in following the guidance of another individual, but doing so should make you feel good. You should agree with the things he or she is doing in terms of morals and ethics. To me, the most successful and respectful environments are those in which people exist in a horizontal rather than a vertical world. A hierarchical world causes an imbalance of power and in many cases an imbalance of success. A horizontal world allows everyone to feel confident in contributing and encouraged to do good things.

Know your worth.