Maybe it is the fact that Australia is on fire and people are sending food instead of money. Maybe it is because I got pushed by a stranger on the subway. Maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Maybe it is all of these reasons and more that I find it so difficult to keep my humanity some days.

As a person who is working very hard to convince others that our behavior is killing the home we love, I find it difficult to be nice when I see the coffee bar at my university hand out water in single-use plastic cups (I know it is hard to keep up with dishes, but I don’t care). As a student of the environmental sciences, I have a hard time showing sympathy for people who have unruly children (your children are not only annoying me but actually increasing your carbon footprint by waaaaay too much). As a clean air brat that grew up in Colorado’s crystal clear abundance of fresh troposphere, I find it impossible to not say something when someone who smokes is too cold to go outside and close the door behind him or herself (I know it is an addiction, but you’re polluting my air, too!)

Every day I find myself battling these unkind thoughts. I find myself displaying a “resting bitch face”. I find myself lacking compassion for other people. I find myself coming home after a long day in the city and feeling ashamed for not being kinder, but also justifying my behavior because those people are so ignorant! Those people are not doing their part when we ALL should be doing our part to save our home.

So how do I find my humanity again? How can I be kind to people that just don’t get it? I am tired and stressed and….hurt. I am hurt that people don’t respect their home the way I do. I am hurt that people aren’t googling ways to live a plastic-free life like I am or finding ways to reduce their carbon footprint like I am. I am hurt that the animals I have always wanted to admire up close are being burned to death, that they are scared, horrified because they have nowhere to go as these extreme bushfires destroy their homes. I am confused. Why did we let it get this bad? Why do some people STILL not care?

We are all capable of learning something new every day. We have the tools to live more simply. We have the ability to work together. Until I see people putting in an effort, I just don’t know if I’ll be able to find my humanity. I am trying, I really am, but I am tired. I want to see that other people care, that other people are trying, that other people are tired, too. Because if they are tired, too, that means they are doing the work that needs to be done and I can sympathize with those people, they deserve my sympathy.