I do a lot of thinking whenever I am in Italy. I’m not sure if it is because I am literally living where some of the world’s most influential philosophers came from or because I still only understand a small percentage of the conversations around me so I’m in my head a lot. Either way, I think A LOT more than is typical for me and I don’t know what to do with all my thinking if I don’t write it down because it is a bit overwhelming, to be honest.

This Morning

This morning I was walking to the train and wondering about following societal “rules” that aren’t written anywhere but are known. The rules in Italy are different than the rules in the United States, so I break a lot of the rules here. I’ve noticed that when the rule breakers do what they do, the rule followers look at them as if they are completely new creatures that haven’t yet been discovered by the scientific community. They look with fear and sometimes anger for the rule breakers’ existence.

I’ve looked at people this way, too. For example, when I see someone talking to himself, I feel a bit uncomfortable. If I am near someone who hasn’t showered in days I get a bit annoyed with the odor. If I see someone in an outfit that seems like a costume, I wonder why that person chose that outfit, whether he or she is living in a fantasy world, or whether he or she is going to a party.

This morning I was so disorganized. I woke up without an alarm because I didn’t set one last night. I rushed around gathering my lunch and clothes and wallet. Once I finally left my house I was dodging scooters and cars while trying to catch the earliest train possible. Then I thought, “why am I rushing to go sit in an office all day?” I thought more and wondered, “why do I feel so crazy and so unfit to be in this city right now?”

What difference does 1 hour make if I’m not actively saving someone’s life on an operating table or deactivating a bomb that is about to explode? Does it really matter that my hair is a complete disaster and that I have a windburned face from camping all weekend? Does it really matter that I didn’t have phone service all weekend so I missed some calls and messages that weren’t at all life-threatening?

My Interpretation of My Thoughts

I arrived at the train station and thought to myself, “I’m not the type of person that wants to have the stress of a clock on my conscience or even a strict schedule and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.” Sometimes it is important to have a schedule, but when it isn’t important I don’t want to plan things and follow an itinerary, I just want to arrive with the things I need and exist.

So I’ve been trying to answer the question, “what’s the big deal?” Why are we expected to follow these superficial rules in such a crazy world. Why can’t we just recognize that the world is the thing that is crazy, the people within it are just doing the best they can.

My initial hypothesis is that maybe the people who are deemed “crazy” aren’t actually crazy, but just have realized that in the end, it doesn’t matter if you follow all these superficial rules. Then I realized that some people are actually delusional and imagine things that don’t exist which could deem an individual as “crazy”, but then I thought, “how do we really know these things they imagine don’t exist?” And then I felt a little crazy for thinking that.

At least for me, all I can do is learn and wonder so I can learn some more. When I wonder about things, I like to develop hypotheses. In order to test these hypotheses, sometimes I must break the superficial rules. In terms of daily life, sometimes I need to do things my own way to survive the day and my way is FAR from the societal norm, according to those with a type A personality.

Happy Monday!